Confessions of an Addict

Let me confess that I am a Facebook addict. I log on more than I should. I tune in hourly to see who is making coffee, who is feeling ill, or sad, who has a new relationship, and who has poked me. It’s ridiculous really. I even have it on my phone.

Facebook has allowed me to reconnect with 314 people who have at some point in life crossed my path; most of whom I would have never spoken with again. For the most part, this has been a great thing. I enjoy seeing my friend’s spouses, kids, careers, and vacation photos. It’s been great. I have reconnected with people from summer jobs, college, church, and even my kindergarten class.

Something’s just not right, however. There is a season for people in life. People come and go, sometimes for the good, and the not so good. It’s a natural process to grow apart from people and go our separate ways. It’s just how life works. However, Facebook has allowed us to collect these people and see the happenings of their daily lives…like it or not…forever. It’s a clutter of relationship. There is no goodbye, and no end. The guy in math class who you never really liked, but never really disliked, who you were fine parting ways with at graduation is suddenly back in your life…everyday. Now you get to see his every emotion, every move.
We have created an Open-Door policy to our lives. We exploit ourselves…posting all the details of our lives on our carefully crafted page, giving people no reason to interact by other means. In many ways it eliminates the need for real relationship. Why should I call you? I know how your work is going, who you’re dating, what time you went to bed last night, and how you feel about our new president. Is there really anything else to talk about?

Facebook has allowed us all to have our own reality show. We are entertainers. I feel that it is my personal responsibility to entertain 314 people with clever status updates, scenic mobile uploads, and witty chain letters. I go throughout my day creating a narrative in my head of how I can turn my current situation into a witty status update. Whenever I do or see something interesting, I feel that I need to entertain all 314 of you with a mobile upload on my digital camera. This isn’t all bad, but can be. Example, I have realized that the only reason I know what is going on in my brother’s life in New York is through his status updates, and haven’t spoken with him in months. There are friends who live within a 10 miles radius who I haven’t seen or talked with in over a year, but through Facebook I know everything that is happening in their life.

I used to blog before Facebook came along. I would draft lengthy compositions about my life. It was a great thing, and I admire people who still blog regularly. Unfortunately, my blogging friends and I left this to spend our time composing status updates, haikus. Our life is now summarized in short sound bites of useless blather.

As I work to figure this out, I hope not too many people de-friend me…as they realize that I am that dude in their math class. Until then, I’ll figure this one out and post a solution to my edgy post-modern dilemma.

Hiding

Clearly you are not interested in speaking with me. Yes, you in your suit…hiding behind the protection of your white ear phones. I saw you mouth he words, “Oh no”, when I got on. I saw the way you looked at me when I sat beside you. I know I’m not clean, but you would not believe where I’ve been. You’re not interested in hearing about that… but I could use a friend. Clearly, though, you have no time for me. You and your fancy suit….you and your water…if you knew where I’ve been. Can you tell this is my first time on here? What scares me is what’s waiting on the other side. I don’t have a home….I have no one. Listen, all I’ve got is this wrinkled piece of paper…this is the only hope that I’ve got….a wrinkled piece of paper with an address and number scribbled on it. This is it…this is my one shot. The crazy thing is I have no idea whose number this is. I’m just hoping the person on the other end can help…otherwise...well, you know.
I would love to tell you about it, but you will not know me.
I know you’re type. I used to see you every Saturday morning. You pulling up in your SUVs, your steaming cups of coffee…handing us blankets, food, a Gospel of John. Well, you can keep the blanket…I’ll be just fine. I’ll take that bible however; those pages make great joints. I don’t want your handout. What you can give me is your time…your friendship, your ear. I would love to tell you my story… where I’ve been, what I’ve felt, what I’ve heard, what’s been done to me….but you continue to hide.
I’m trembling..I can hardly stand…I’m weak in the knees…I’m going to be sick. I can hear my heartbeart. This is it. If only you had a small taste of the fear in my heart….this fear that I wake up with everyday…you might appreciate things a little more. You might not complain so much…keep hiding.

A Stark Family Christmas

Cirque Du Soleil - Mystere

I had the opportunity to see a Cirque Du Soleil show this week while in Vegas for work. The show was incredible...so beautiful at some points that I found myself fighting back tears. Photography was strictly forbidden from this show, however, I had to take one picture of the most amazing thing I saw all night...no, its not one of the acrobats...its my friend Steve sound asleep during the show with his mouth open...in the front row, mind you. It was all just too much for him to take in.

On the Road

The Plan...2 Weeks

Mon, Jan 28th OFF Vegas

Tues, Jan 29th Run 60 Min (Hills/Trails), Strength Training Vegas

Wed, Jan 30th Swim 3100, Bike 60 Min Vegas

Thurs, Jan 31st Bike 90 Min, Run 60 Min Phoenix

Friday, Feb 1 Swim 2500, Strength Training Santa Fe

Sat, Feb 2 Run 11 Miles Santa Fe

Sun, Feb 3 Bike 80 Miles Santa Fe

Mon, Feb 4 Day Off Denver

Tues, Feb 5 Run 40, Strength Training Denver

Wed, Feb 6 Swim 3100, Bike 60 min Phoenix

Thurs, Feb 7 Bike 90 min, Run 60 Min Phoenix

Fri, Feb 8 Swim 2500, Strength Training Phoenix

Sat, Feb 9 Run 13 Miles Phoenix

Sun, Feb 10 Bike 90 miles, Run 20 Mins Phoenix


Current Playlist:

Gladiator Sountrack

This Too Shall Pass

Hello, my friend. Its good to see you. Something has changed, however, something is different. You look the same, but I hardly recognize you. Theres a darkness behind your smilean emptiness behind your eyes. Who took that from youwhat has happened? It really hasnt been that long since I last saw you, has it?
I used to watch you. I used to admire your joy. It was obvious that you had something inside of you that transcended all understanding. Look at you now why the chip on your shoulder? Who did this to youwhat has happened?
Youre doing pretty well I hear, by some mens standards anyway. I hear shes gone, thoughits probably for the bestbut you know shell be back.I always knew this would happen. I should have told youshould have warned you.
I remember when you walked with your head held high. You were proud of yourself, and rightly so. You had a smile that was contagious. Im sorry, my friend, but its gone. I see you. I see whats happening.
Ill let you have your solitudeIll leave you alone. Perhaps youre not ready for my intrusion. Do you have anyone to talk to? What do you have to say for yourself? You must know that your independence and hiding will only resurrect the pain. Will you continue to numb yourself to reality by this behavior of avoidance?
Its hard to see you this way. I feel like I should cover my eyes. No, I feel like I should turn my head. No, I feel like I should leave. Its doubtful I will sleep tonight, knowing what I know now. I want to help you, but youve got to let me in. Stop feeling sorry for yourselfno one else does.
Im afraid Im not much help to you. Im going to leave nowbut you know where to find me. Know that I would love to see you there.Know, my friend, that you will be okay, and know that these things too shall pass.

Swimming Lessons

I've never had any formal swim training. On Tuesday I met Cheryl at the pool for my first session. She took video of my stroke. The following videos show a pre and post look at my swim. I'm embarrased to say I've got a lot more work to do that I realized. We were joking about how we have this vision in our head of how we look when we swim, and we look a lot cooler in our head than in real life ...to actually see it is a little disturbing.

In this first video you will see several blatant problems with my stroke.

1. I have an extreme cross over...meaning that my arms cross the midline of my body. We all know that the shortest way to get from A to B is a straight line....well I am making an S shape which is making me extrememly inefficient. My hands should be hitting the water at 10 and 2....reather than 1 and 11 on the opposite sides. Being left handed, you will see that my right arm is much weaker giving even more of a crossover.

2. My legs/kick sucks. Look how far apart my legs are. This creates an enormous drag and eliminates almost all power from my kick. I had no idea that I swim with my legs apart.



In this second video I am making an effort to straighten out my stroke and keep my legs together. As you will see, I've still got a lot of work to do.



Hopefully, with a little work, I will soon be posting a follow-up video where I look like a guy who actually knows how to swim.

bs.

Rock and Roll Arizona 1/2 Marathon

Swim, Bike, Run, Work, Sleep, Repeat

A few weeks ago my coach asked me if I had "said my goodbyes". "Goodbyes?" I asked. She kind of laughed and said, "You'll See". Well, I received my training schedule for the next two weeks, and I am beginning to understand why she asked me that. As Ironman grows near, swimming, biking, and running will be a significant portion of my life. And this would lead any reasonable person to ask..."Why?" I get this question a lot. It's very expensive, it takes all my time, and it hurts like hell. Why in the world do I want to spend my time like this? And I've never had a good answer to this question until this week.....its about clarity.
For this brief period of time, I can escape the bullshit in my life, and really think through who and what is most important to me. Everything that is on my mind....work, home, friendships, relationships, money, family...it all becomes clear. I've cried during workouts, I've laughed out loud, and come to some serious decisions and conclusions about who I am during these times.
Somewhere on XM radio not too long ago I was listening to an interview with John Mayer. I've never been a big fan of his, however, what he was saying really resonated with me. He was talking about how music is his therapy..how when he straps on his guitar..he can work through the shit in his life. All his emotions come out, and for that period of time he can escape, and life becomes a little more clear. And while it is a gift he is given, it is also the way he knows how to process his world. Some Sing, Some Dance, Some Work, Some relax...its just the escape mechanism we need to process this world. What's yours?

Coming up next....Rock and Roll 1/2 Marathon 1/13/08